21 July, 2010
Was rather upset with my uncle! He made me cried. Uncle and aunty said that i am not mature, need to grow up. Yea, i cant deny that i need to grow up. However, if everyday people say to you almost everyday, how do you feel? I felt that they dont trust me, if they nag at me almost daily, how to have room to grow. Now i understood the feeling of giving people space to grow and trust them. We are to nuture people and not to control them. I realized that i made this mistake of controlling people and not nuture them in the past. Thank God that you forgave me.
Wow, when come to me forgiving people, i just think of the hurts i have from them. Sure, its easy to dislike people and hate them. Have to be careful in our thoughts, if not hatred,dislike, things negative can come in. Well, candace reminded me that when you dislike someone means you dont not love God enough. But i do love God, well i have not go deep enough to his love. I will keep trying to grow, to obey. But i am not going to use my own effort only. God, I am coming to you vulnerable- with a need and a honest heart- I am rebellious etc, uncle and aunty disliked my attitude.. God help me! pls!
For now, i am going to forgive my uncle and aunty. Through these, i realized that communciation is super important. sometimes, seriously i found my intentions, thoughts and comments good. But, the tone to deliver was bad and it leads to anger, miscommunication, mistrust etc.
God, in my mist of trying, let me not be tired in doing good and to give up. I am going to perserve so that my faith will increase and the growth of my character. But God, please dont test beyond my limit. Through my weakness, it proves my reliance to God but this doesnt demerit who i am. I am a wonderful creation of God.
There's one prayer that i learnt that i need to make everyday- God, i know that it is the truth that I am wonderfully and fearfully made by you and you love me deeply. There is nothing else to make you love me more or less. Lord, let me not know this truth, but understand it and internalize it into my heart and let all the lies telling me that i am not good enough to flee in your name, Jesus Christ!! Lord, i am being pursue by you daily and i am a princess. :)
12 July, 2010
Pic with mum and bro with my web cam!
One day after my bro and mum went back home to Spore after 2 weeks in Melbourne. They are great support to me in adapting my life here in Melbourne. Initally when they came, i wasnt happy as i wanted full independent life in Melbourne here. I was wrong about myself being adapt well independently. God just know me well thus he got my mum and bro to accompany here. Love them and treasure them. Was abit rebellious to my mum but i knew she loved me lots though sometimes she dont show. She saved alot thus i am able to be in Melbourne. I want to be a filal child where i study well and improve my attitude to show my mum and dad. Well, this can only be done with God! I told God umpteem times that i need the holy spirit to help me..
I am so convinced that i am in Melbourne to grow my relationship deep with God. In 2 the 1: 11- With this in mind, we constantly pray for you that our God may count you worthy of his calling and that by his power he may fulfill every gd purpose of yours and every act prompted by yr faith. Amen for that verse, God is the ultimate one with great authority. I want to be worthy of his calling in terms of i want to be more like Jesus. convinced that by this verse, that why i want to be mature in God, then he can fulfill his will in him and then in v12- We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ. Yes, God to glorify in my life. Not based on myself but with God's grace.
Another reason why i am sure God wants be to grow in relationship in Him is because i read the book captivating. God prompted me in the heart to grow my romance with Him and to understand my make up as a woman and to really be secure in Him and not look for romance, care about how ppl look @ me. I am who i am..
